Hi supporting momma.  I have to tell you it will get better.  I was diagnosed a few months before I had my daughter at 22.  I managed to pull my sh*t together (finally) finished school with a M.ed.  My parents were my anchor so hang in there!  Miracles do happen

no wonder she struggling with 3 kids at that age…im 24 recently diagnosed and darent even think about kids…cant even sort my life out :/ thers a lot of stopping and starting with ADHD i reckon…cos i always plan to do stuff and sort things out…but it never lasts long…meds myt help tho

Three kids those ages would give you ADD symptoms if you didn’t have ADD. I can’t imagine how she manages with it.

It will probably get better once the medication roulette is over. That’s liable to take a while though so hang in there.

Three kids those ages would give you ADD symptoms if you didn’t have ADD. I can’t imagine how she manages with it.

It will probably get better once the medication roulette is over. That’s liable to take a while though so hang in there.

I agree totally with the good folks who have replied so far. It does get better.

Another help would be to locate ADHD support groups in your area where you could go and meet with others who are working on these kinds of issues. Just being able to talk with people who understand is helpful and you also will get some good ideas about coping strategies.

John Tucker, PhD, ADHD Coach

Bless you for supporting your daughter and being there for your grandchildren.
For me, the meds made a huge positive difference. The diagnosis did as well. Hard to say for sure but I think although the ADD caused/causes difficulties it is also responsible for my success. I hope your daughter will find a path that works for her.
You need a life of your own as well. Take care of yourself first.
Good luck!

I have recently been going to therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy for my adult ADD (was diagnosed my first year as a teacher at the age of 23).  I have to tell you that it will get better, but it won’t necessarily ever be “fixed”. The most important advice I could give you is that sometimes we look at ourselves in a negative light every day. Somedays I come home and look at my unpaid bills, messy room, and things I have forgotton and just CRY, wondering “Why can’t I just be a NORMAL adult and have my ducks in a row??”

However, one thing my therapist constantly reminds me to focus on is ACCOMPLISHMENTS instead of the failures. She said that for someone with ADD/ADHD, little tasks to other people are huge mountains for us. Rather than look at the 3 piles of things I DIDN’T do, look at the fact that i was able to grade all of my tests and clean my bedroom.

If you ever are interested in some tips or want more info about what I’ve learned in counseling, I would be more than happy to share them with you. As I said, I am a teacher so I definitely understand how difficult it can be for children.

-Ashley
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**sorry I somehow skipped that your daughter is 20. I thought you were talking about HER children. Oops! But regardless, I am always willing to share the things I have learned in therapy if it helps others. In fact, I am 26. Your daughter is more than welcome to contact me herself if she is looking for someone her age who she can relate to about ADD.

Again, bless you for helping your daughter and grand kids, and bless her for being responsible for her kids.  I would think a 20 year old raising 3 very small children would be very stressful.  It’s a pretty all consuming job at those ages.  I think back to when my kids were that age and I felt like I was going crazy sometimes, and I was 33.  Parenting is a learn as you go process, and none of us gets it right all the time.  Now mix ADHD in and life gets more chaotic.  Now that she has a diagnosis, do some research to find out what ADHD is and is not.  Use this forum and others to get some understanding and support. 

I am 51 and still raising an 11 year old daughter.  I was diagnosed a year and a half ago.  I am on a low dose of generic Ritalin.  It doesn’t fix anything, but it helps with focus and not feeling so unraveled.  All that to say make it through these young years, they go by so fast, enjoy watching them grow, watch to see if they have any ADHD or ADD symptoms as there is a genetic component, and do make sure you get a little time for yourself.

I am an adult that was diagnosed with ADHD when I 40. I have a child myself that is 8 and she also has ADHD. I can say that from my personal experience that it does get better with the right meds. I take 70mg of Vyvanse. I have been on this amount for about a month.

I am divorced and live with my parents. So it has been very hard. But since I have been taking Vyvanse it has made a world of difference in me.

My best advice to you is to hang in there with your daughter and never give up on her. I know that it sometimes seems hard but try and find the good things in her that she may do on a daily basis and let her know that you see them. My mom has been my biggest supporter and biggest coach for me when I wanted to just throw my hands up and walk away.

I do want to say this that before I started on Vyvanse I had tried Adderall XR and it seemed to work for awhile but I did alot of research on ADHD meds and asked my doctor if we could try me on Vyvanse and since I have been on it llike I said it has made the world of dfference in me. In doing my research I found out that Vyvanse is on of the only meds that is recommended for adults.

Good luck and remember to never give up on your daughter be her biggest support and coach.

@tmom: thank you for the medication advice! i have been taking adderall now for 2 years and i am on a very low dose… but i have had some issues, some days i feel like it helps and other i can’t tell a difference at all…. i don’t want to ask to have a higher dose, as there are times that i will take slightly more than prescribed at 1 time (i only take 10mg, 3 times a day… sometimes i will do 15mg twice a day) and find that it almost makes me NOT focused.

i think i will do some research and check vyvanse out.

I am 39, diagnosed @ 34. It gets better with medication, counseling, and ongoing coping skills training for both of you.  I would agree that a support group for you and your daughter would be helpful. Medicine is great but its not the cure all for all behavior.  Getting help for coping skills and self-esteem issues that often accompany ADHD is important.

If she is only 20, the human brain doesn’t fully develop until 25, so you may both dealing with this on top of everything. A lot of 20 yr-olds dont get it right without ADHD. My heart goes out to you. My mom gave me coping skills she didn’t know of, but one big thing was setting clear, consistent firm boundaries and expectations. I got To Do lists until I moved at 23.
And I followed them without feeling insulted.

Understand she may not interpret or receive things in the same way as others, be struggling with self-esteem, etc. There may be a different range of emotions after the medicine.  With compassion, counseling, and support, it gets better.  Keep in mind ADHD contains an explanation of behavior but it doesn’t excuse responsibility for your actions.  She’s fortunate to have you.

One last thing, Celebrate each time she gets it right! It will encourage her to continue or remember how to “get it right” and build her confidence. This works well for adults and children. We all like a pat on the back!

My suggestions….
(1) medication—she needs to be on the ‘right’ one or ones & it might take a few tries

(2) cognitive behavioral therapy -  she needs to work with a professional either one-on-one and/or group based therapy.  Because our brains have this pretty drastic swing (great days and not-so-great days) she has to learn to take advantage of the great days and complete those ‘boring/fear-based’ tasks while the brain is firing on all cylinders—save the more enjoyable/less dreadful tasks for a not-so great day. 

(3) I can not stress this enough—she needs to establish a routine (and actually the kids will do better with a routine).  The ADHD person functions best when there is structure.  Often times the thing that gets us most baffled is just knowing/picking/prioritizing & figuring out what to do.  Routine/structure will keep all that overwhelm and fear to a minimum.

(4) You should also consider getting some help, either one-on-one and/or a ADHD parents/family support group or therapy group.  I think the most important thing that a parent of an ADHD kid (adult kid) is to set boundaries so that you are not an enabler. 

There is a very fine line between being a loving/helpful mom and being an enabler; You have to force yourself to stay on the sidelines and not run to the rescue—She must be given the chance to take on responsibility and deal with the success and failures all on her own.  If she fails, you have to let her deal with the natural consequences and not bail her out. 

Stay positive & really get some good help for her and yourself….It will only get better if she and you want it to get better.  Thanks - Nicole