Do you have an assessment from a psychologist that you can show them?

Whatever you do, don’t put the school on the defensive and create a toxic environment. Approach them with a subordinate attitude - as in, ask them for help. Don’t demand that they help your son, instead ask them for their help.

Be proactive. Show the school what you have done to help your son, such as tutoring, practice drills, etc. Spend time with your son yourself and work on his math facts, and tell the school what you’re working on.

Most importantly, don’t rely completely on the school. Help him yourself instead.

Good luck

I don’t know if you have IEPs where you live, or at what point in the process you are with your child at the school. Is he in the special education program? If he is not and you’re not sure where to begin, there is a lot of great advice on this site. It begins with you putting in a formal request in writing to the school that you would like to get your child evaluated for special ed, the gifted program, whatever your state allows for. They will ask you to complete a questionnaire explaining what he does that concerns you.

I understand the other parent’s suggestion that you not act aggressive in dealings with the school. However I’m not sure I would use the term “subordinate”. If he is at a public school, you are one of the owners of the school, as you pay taxes. In addition, the school gets funding directly because your son is going to the school. Schools are funded per head. Our school gets between $6 and $7k per enrolled child. My preferred stance is respectful, informed and assertive. It took me years to stand my ground for my son and I wish I’d done it earlier.

For instance, calling a child “lazy” is hurtful and counterproductive. I would take notes at or after each conversation and keep it all in the same place so you can refer to it. Including any report cards, emails or other documents that reflect this attitude.

There are laws and procedures governing special education and other accomodations for children in schools. I hope you can track down information relevant to your state, and ideally find someone who knows how to advocate for children in school. There are lawyers who do this work, and advocates.

They obviously do not know anything about ADHD and how children feel who are ADHD. It would be great if they could see this as an opportunity to receive information about something they don’t know. There are probably a couple of handfuls of other children at the school who are ADHD and are not being supported by the school. Time for an eddycation!

All the best to you and your son! I’m sure he is a wonderful person, and you’re a wonderful parent for caring so much and looking for ways to ameliorate the situation.

Another resource to check is CHADD, CHADD.org and look for a chapter near you.

There are many resources that are available for parents of children with ADHD - it does take time to work through all the information.

We are fighting with this as well.  If he isn’t on a 504 or IEP, then you are really stuck.

The school will not be compelled to do anything unless there is data to back them up.  Have you asked them to do an initial evaluation?  Ask them to test your son to rule out learning disabilities.  they may squawk, but they have to comply if you request it in writing.  they may also push back because it is the end of the year, but they still have to do it now and have a meeting with you before school is out.  you can ask them to do tests on executive function - his add will show there.

the other thing you can/should do is get your own private testing done.  if you don’t have a lot of funds, most every state has some agency that will do it for free or on the cheap.

The things you want to look for a large discrepancies between the numbers.  for example, let’s say he has a high IQ, but his reading comprehension is really low - the school will average it and say he is fine.  but you need to harp on the fact that there is a huge discrepancy.

Once you can prove his disability, then you can put a plan in place.  If you can’t get them to agree that he has add/a problem, then you should look into getting an advocate.

Ohhh - and do everything through email so you have a record of when you raised certain issues….keep everything.  start a binder and keep a record of everything said/done.  Keep his schoolwork that is sent home.  all of this will be important in the future if you ever need to go to hearing.  Also, bring it with you to your meetings.  Put a big sign on the front of it saying “Joe’s School Communication Book” or something like that.  They will get the hint that you are tracking them and they don’t like that.  Also record every meeting - with their knowledge.  I just play the I am really forgetful game.

I agree to a certain point to keep things pleasant - sometimes acting like you don’t know something even when you do.  they will not always be truthful with you.

I am sorry to say, it is a battle that will never end

I totally agree with motherhenn - and the best test to start with is the WISC. It shows IQ, but breaks it down into functioning in different levels - where their strengths and weaknesses are. You have to have gone as far as having the ADHD declared as a “disability” before getting an IEP. The step before that is a 504 plan, which is what might get you the help you need now, and a little easier, especially at the end of the year. The school will probably not pay for the WISC - it costs about $800, but is worth it.

Good Luck - be your own advocate - you can do it!

Don’t forget that he feels stupid tho he’s not and a failure because his ADHD affects his short term memory, etc. He should have at least a 504 plan if he has been diagnosed. Contact your local Learning Disabilities Assoc or CHADD. They can help you get a meeting re: his needs (you have the law behind you) AND he should have accomodations if the
person who made the diagnosis writes a letter.

One important accomodation is to allow him to use a calculator when he does Math and Math tests!!!! (for example). Best of luck to you.

Patricia Aust CT Task Force on ADHD; author of HYPER HARRY (available in Paperback and Kindle at Amazon.com HYPER HARRY ebooks).

It was that the teacher said ur child was just lazy. I would stand on top of them until they get my son help. It ur job to, but if the teacher see that ur child is having problems in school if her job to try to help him. The IEP is what u need to look into. Just write a letter to Special Ed Dept tellin them ur child is failing math and he needs help. Theschool should have this plan . IEP or 504 plan. I just got in for my son he having problems with mat to. He having problems learning his facts , and addin, subtract. Plus he have ADHD and we just found out he have Autism.

My son is 13 and we never, ever told the public school he had adhd. We gave him meds at 6 years old and in 5th grade he went into a gifted program. You have to get your child on meds so he can focus at school and not be so unmotivatived. If my son misses his meds for one day, he’s like a slug. I’m not kidding. The school won’t do anything about our kids having add/adhd. It’s our job as parents to get them help outside from doctors and therapist and get them the proper medication. My son never had a 504 or IEP. Good luck.

My son is now 13 and in the 7th grade. I have been fighting this battle since 2nd grade and have finally given up. Not just because of the ADHD, but also because of a bullying issue. My son will be attending an online public school next year. You should check it out. http://www.k12.com It is public school and it is free! He will graduate with a diploma just as if he were still in his regular school. If this is not an option for you, listen to what the other parents are telling you. Stay strong and advocate for your child. The schools are given money to accommmodate these kids but you have to make them do it. Keep a written record of EVERYTHING, no matter how minor you think it is. Use email so you have a record. Find out if your state has an organization that will go to the school with you. Someone who knows the laws for your state. Talk to other parents. I’m sure your’e not the only one having these issues. Good luck!!

Rosemary - you’re right that as tax payers we have rights and expectations.

What I meant was the teachers have education and experience, and they’re feathers are very easily ruffled if you disrespect that (even when they’re wrong).  As parents we know our kids best, but the class room is the teacher’s territory, and if we march in there like we’re the boss, we’ll shut down the lines of communication pretty quick.

To illustrate, the other day in a meeting with our school’s speech pathologist, I noticed that I got FAR more out of her when I “played” subordinate. I asked for her opinion, and her face lit up and she talked and talked. I then quoted a study I had read, and she shut down. It was interesting.

My son’s school has bent over BACKWARDS to help him, providing him with services that he doesn’t really qualify for. I firmly believe it’s partly because I am a team player, and I acknowledge the experience and opinions of the staff. Another mom at our school got into a shouting match with a staffer and her child paid the price by being denied access to a gifted program.

It’s the old adage “you catch my flies with honey.”  When it comes to helping your kids in school, do what it takes, even if you have to bite your tongue and hold your opinions when an ego driven staff member is clearly wrong. It doesn’t mean you have to change your opinions, just be careful and strategic about how you present them.

I appreciate the advice that many have given here, but PLEASE be careful.  Motherhenn is making recommendations that are not necessarily appropriate.  I’m a school psychologist with ADD and I’m trained specifically these areas.  There is so much that goes into a diagnosis, and a “test in executive functioning” is not the answer.  Yes, cognitive and achievment assessment can be helpful, but it is NOT the end-all-be-all. 

I want you to get help, but insisting on specific test batteries or types of batteries is not the answer.  Certainly ask for an evaluation in writing, but please trust the psychologist or person completing the evaluation to give you their professional opinion based on the instruments that they think are appropriate.  There are a lot of factors that go into choosing to use or not use a specific instrument, and you absolutely need appropriate training to know how to make that determination.  I’m not undermining your knowledge or desire to help your child, but there is a line that needs to be drawn where you need to trust the expertise and training of professionals.

Maybe your not doing enough with your son to help him at home….do you help him with homework? Sounds like you want the school to do everything and you just sit back and relax. Don’t be like that. We never told the school my son had adhd, we didn’t want him treated differently or have special treatment. We did the work ourselves, we helped him with homework, got him a therapist to talk to about making friends. We did that as parents not the school. He’s in a gifted program now and going into honor geometry next year at the high school even though he’s still in middle school.

You have to step up and do more for your kid. Stop blamming others for what you haven’t done and throwing your failures as a parent intheir face.

You as a parent know what your child is capable of and you know best if there is an issue which needs to be addressed.  If you have not started the process of having your child evaluated, you need to start that process with the school. It is against the law for them to ignore your request.  If he is already diagnosed with ADHD and does not have an IEP or 504, a decision needs to be made as to which approach is most appropriate for your son. The school cannot legally refuse this is the ADHD is interfering with your son’s learning.  Do not let anyone bully you on this issue—your child spends most of his day at school and if he is having problems, they need to be addressed.